


The (Mis)Adventures of the Murderous Romanov Twins

by kiss_me_cassie



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Family Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiss_me_cassie/pseuds/kiss_me_cassie
Summary: A collection of random shorts starring Clint and Natasha's darling children.





	1. Bedtime

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this tumblr post](https://cassiesinsanity.tumblr.com/post/162128385906/lost2reality-copperbadge-what-pleases-me). 
> 
> I just couldn't shake "murderous Romanov twins" from my head… *g*

"Moooom! Nicole is playing with her bow in bed!"

A few seconds later that declaration from Francis was followed by a high pitched shriek.

"Mom! Make Francis stop!"

With a sigh, Natasha disengaged herself from her cozy spot wrapped up in Clint's arms to see what kind of trouble their high-spirited twins were getting into, despite several previous stern warnings to stop fooling around and go to sleep.

She opened the door to their room and steeled herself for just about anything.

"Look!" Nicole said, pointing indignantly at a brand new scorch mark on her deep purple bedspread. It was the third one to mar the spread since she'd gotten it nearly a month ago.

Natasha shot her son a look full of reproach and held out her hand expectantly.

"Bite. Now."

Francis looked up at her stubbornly from beneath a lock of floppy red hair, but handed the small bracelet over.

"She started it," he said mulishly.

Natasha transferred her laser gaze to the young girl sitting indignantly in the middle of her bed.

"He was snoring," she complained. "The suction arrow barely even stuck."

"You shot a suction arrow at him?" Clint asked from the doorway. He looked mildly impressed.

Nicole nodded proudly. "And I hit him square too!"

"Way to go," Clint said, coming over to high five her.

"Clint."

"Dad!"

Clint transferred his attention to the boy.

"Did you or did you not shoot at her with a widow's bite?"

Francis looked down sheepishly.

"I didn't actually hit her."

"But you still shot it. Enough said. Now, c'mon. It's way past bedtime."

"But Daddy, I don't want to sleep in a bed with scorch marks," Nicole said with a little pout.

"And I don't want to sleep in a bed that has cooties from her suction arrow," Francis said.

"Fine," Clint said. "Then we'll swap."

Before either of them had a chance to do more than kick back their covers, Clint had scooped one up in each arm and dumped them into the opposite bed, much to their delight.

Natasha shook her head fondly.

"All right now?"

They both nodded and Natasha reached out to tuck Francis back in while Clint leaned over and kissed Nicole's forehead.

"There," he declared. "All settled. Now go to sleep."

"Awww, Dad!" they complained in unison.

"Sleep," Natasha repeated sternly.

They both grumbled a little, but obediently snuggled under their blankets.

Natasha followed Clint out of the room and shut the door firmly behind them before turning to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I know you had it handled," Clint said before she could raise any objections to his high-handed tactics. "But my way was more efficient."

"More efficient, hmm?"

He backed her up against the door and kissed her soundly. "Yes. My way gave me a fighting chance to get you to bed before Alexi wakes up."

He kissed her again and she made a small needy sound deep in her throat.

"Gross!" Francis called. "We can hear you making out, you know."

"And we're trying to sleep," Nicole added with a hint of classic Romanoff superiority in her voice. "You know, like good Avenger children should. But you're not making it at all easy."

Natasha stifled her laugh against Clint's shoulder.

"She gets the attitude from you," he whispered against her neck before raising his voice and calling back through the door. "Go to sleep. Both of you."

"And let's get you to bed too, Mrs. Barton," he added with a growl as he bent and picked her up, then headed toward their room.

She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him again. "Yes, let's."


	2. Mission Prep

"No," Natasha said, snatching the bites from Francis and securing them to her belt. 

"Why not?" Francis asked, pouting as he stared at the forbidden weapons.

"Because the last time you used them, you managed to find the one vulnerable spot on Tony's suit and shorted it out. He spent a month barely eating or sleeping while he fixed it and has been jumpier than usual ever since."

"Well, what can I bring?"

Natasha glanced up from her prep and grabbed the smaller, lighter weight bows Clint had had specially made from the armory wall. She tossed one to each twin.

"Here. Regular arrows only. And they are to be used specifically for self-defense, not attack."

They grumbled, but dutifully shouldered the bows and rigged out their quivers.

"Nicole, can you get the Stark Baby Pod for Alexi?"

She looked up at Natasha from under a curtain of hair. "We have to take him too?"

Natasha barely managed to hide her smile as she secured the last of her weapons. "You thought I'd leave him behind?"

Nicole shrugged. "He'd be fine, especially if we armed him."

"We are not arming a barely two year old. Pod, please. Francis, go grab Alexi from whatever mess he's getting himself into."

"Fine." 

They both tromped off to complete their assigned tasks and Natasha took a deep breath. This wouldn't be the first time the kids tagged along on a mission, but it would be the first time she was making the sole decision about it.

Nicole came back and pushed the pod in her mother's direction. "Here."

Francis came back half a minute later, Alexi held out in his hands like a particularly disgusting bag of garbage.

Alexi cried out in delight at the sight of her until he noticed the pod. "Mama, no. No wanna."

"Wanted or not, in you go." She plucked him from Francis and deposited him in the pod, then turned to the other two. "Ready?"

They nodded, and she steered all of them out of the apartment and up to the quinjet waiting on the Tower's landing deck.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no!" Tony exclaimed as soon as he saw the twins. "This is a serious mission. No children allowed."

Natasha sighed, but didn't pause as she strode through the entrance of the quinjet and headed toward the cockpit to prepare for take off.

"Clint's still in Belgrade and I can't leave them home alone. They'll stay in the quinjet the whole time."

Francis started. "What?!"

"Mom! That's not fair!" Nicole said, scowling at her.

"Last time you shot Steve in the foot with an arrow," Natasha reminded her.

"Last time we were only eight. We've matured since then. And we've practiced lots! Our skills are way better now." 

"Wait! They shot Steve? When did that happen?" Tony asked, eyes wide.

" _Nicole_ shot Steve. You were busy being electrocuted by this one," Natasha said, indicated Francis.

Tony groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Oh God, we're all going to die and it's not even going to be a heroic death at the hands of Skrull."

"Cheer up, Stark," Natasha said with an evil smile while patting him on the shoulder. "We've all gotta die sometime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I may have stolen the baby pod idea from the excellent [Tales from the Tower](http://archiveofourown.org/series/190958) series. Ok, not maybe. I did. Also, why are you reading this crack when you could be re-reading that? :)


End file.
